Many years ago when I first began speaking to audiences I would become so nervous I’d want to vomit. I was given some great instruction and wonderful advice that has helped me transition to a much calmer and more professional speaker. One of the key pieces of advice was to create a “ritual.” Seriously? When I first heard the word “ritual” I thought of incense and prayers since as an ordained clergyman I’ve participated in many rituals over the years. But what was suggested to me was using a physical movement that would trigger my body when I was about to speak. My body would then react by moving the energy to where I needed it and not leave it in my stomach. All these years later I still use that same quick ritual before I speak and I feel myself gaining control.
All posts tagged personal greatness
The Ritual Effect
Posted by Scott Asalone on June 7, 2013
https://greatnessproject.wordpress.com/2013/06/07/the-ritual-effect/
The Devil Made Me Do It: Disbelief in Free Will May Lead to Selfish Actions
Those of us old enough to remember the comic Flip Wilson also remember his alter ego Geraldine. When Flip Wilson dressed up as Geraldine, it was hard to forget. Geraldine was a vivacious, amazingly funny, energetic woman who never took responsibility for her own actions. Her classic line after a lewd remark or action was “the devil made me do it.” And since she believed she had no control over her actions she’d just laugh and carry on.
One of the crucial elements of achievement, success and personal greatness is the belief that you are in control of your choices and actions. Individuals who have higher degrees of success take the actions they need because they believe they are in control of their choices no matter the circumstances around them. They will admit that sometimes the choices aren’t balanced or equal, but they still have a choice. In my workshop Roadmap to Personal Greatness the first exercise I offer is one designed to help people understand what is behind their choices and most importantly, that they have free choice no matter what is going on.
Do we have free will? Can we make a free decision at a crucial moment to alter our own actions? There are some psychologists and sociologists who would clam that we don’t have a choice. They claim we are primed for certain behaviors. These behaviors become constant either because of the genetic wiring in our brain or because of the habitual reflexes we develop. The researchers make a good case that we often react without consciously choosing what we are doing. Some philosophers go further by trumpeting determinism where all our actions are pre-determined anyway and we are just acting out a preassigned role. I’m not going to argue about free will. However there is recent research that disbelief in free will may cause some disruptive behaviors.
Using texts that argued against free will, researchers first had volunteers read the texts (the control group read neutral texts) and then gave the volunteers various activities to participate in. Vohs and Schooler found that those induced to disbelieve in free will were more likely to cheat on a test, they were more aggressive and less social than others, whereas those who strengthened their belief in free will fostered a sense of thoughtful reflection and willingness to exert energy to accomplish a task. Overall the researchers found that our personal belief about free will affects job performance and career attitudes based on having control over our actions.
Most of us believe we have free will, but it is more of a philosophical thought. When I ask people what gets in their way of achieving their goals, too often they blame others or circumstances on why they can’t make the choice. Yet in every moment of every day, we have the choice to decide how we will act. It’s not always easy and it’s not always fair, but we always have a choice. Otherwise, we may as well just blame our actions on the devil.
Posted by Scott Asalone on June 4, 2013
https://greatnessproject.wordpress.com/2013/06/04/the-devil-made-me-do-it-disbelief-in-free-will-may-lead-to-selfish-actions/
STAY in Your Comfort Zone
We live in a world where change seems constant. Technology outpaces our ability to utilize it and to monitor the improper use of it. Corporations radically restructure their infrastructure, platforms and products. Even the pace of inter-generational gaps accelerates dramatically leaving us befuddled in our family or social communication. Yet, this does not mean that we, as individuals or even businesses, have to embrace the same mindset of constant change.
We hear mantras like “change or die,” “think outside the box,” and “get out of your comfort zone.” The challenge is that these concepts are essential to technology businesses and much of the competitive core that makes us our economy. Organizations and corporations need to create, innovate and examine opportunities and weaknesses on a regular basis. Some have gone overboard and waste precious time and energy with constant hierarchical restructuring, but that is a thought for another blog. The challenge is that this “constant change” thinking affects and infects how individuals think about themselves and their work.
If something is working. If your life is going well. If you enjoy what you do and are doing it well. LEAVE IT ALONE! Yes, you continue to work on your skills or relationships to improve them, but you don’t need to put change in your life for change sake. Constant change activates the emotional brain into a fight-flight-freeze response and that is the sure-fire way to kill success.
Athletes have known this for decades. When they are in the zone, when everything is going right, they don’t change a thing. They use the same rituals to prepare, eat the same food, go through the same game-day routines and ride the wave of success. It is when they suspect they could improve an element of their game, or they feel something going wrong that they move to change it.
So when things at work or at home are going well; when what occupies our time also fills our soul, we need to enjoy it. That’s why they call it a “comfort zone.” Allowing these moments in our lives give us the energy to continue the journey and eventually reenter the maelstrom of change.
Posted by Scott Asalone on May 16, 2013
https://greatnessproject.wordpress.com/2013/05/16/stay-in-your-comfort-zone/
Having Integrity
It’s election day in my town. Working with one of the parties, I arrived at 5:00 AM to help with the day’s events. Our immediate task was “challenges.” Challenges are the procedural way to examine who used mail-in ballots and to see if there are any irregularities. Any party can use them. For example, we found fourteen voters who supposedly lived at the same address. By the way, the number on the address was “0.” Really? Yet in the midst of our work, someone asked the question, “couldn’t you challenge anybody’s vote? Couldn’t you challenge a whole district you thought wasn’t voting for your ticket?” The answer was yes. You can challenge anything. But as our campaign manager wisely said “That’s not what our candidates want to do. At the end of the day, they want to wake up after the election with their integrity intact.”
We live in a world of challenges, achievement, success and position. Moving through that morass can be confusing at times and tempting at others. Our headlines are strewn with the wrecked careers of men and women who stepped over the line to achieve something and were caught. They hang their heads and move on. But what was missing?
Ethics and integrity are some of the key characteristics of greatness. Yes, people can achieve amazing things through cheating or enhancing their performance. Of course, they have to live with themselves. If each of us doesn’t have a crystal clear distinction of right and wrong, we are vulnerable to the temptations for the easy ride, or the short cut.
In reality there are those who have not been caught. They’ve cheated the system, perhaps cheated you and me. But how worthwhile is an achievement that has been captured falsely? Can you really enjoy the moment if you’ve succeeded under false pretenses. I know I couldn’t.
I was proud of the team this morning and it was a good reminder for me. Everyday shortcuts and backdoors are offered in various ways. The first step is always small. Yet, standing by your beliefs and knowing what is right and wrong is a powerful foundation. With your ethics and integrity intact you can take on the world knowing that even if you lose, you did what was right.
Posted by Scott Asalone on May 14, 2013
https://greatnessproject.wordpress.com/2013/05/14/having-integrity/
Making Molehills Out of Mountains
Just for a second, pick
up an object and hold it very closely in front of your face. Now, ask yourself what you see. Most likely, if you are holding the object close enough you probably don’t see anything but the object. It looks enormous. Now, take the same object and place it across the room, sit down and look at it. Doesn’t it have a totally different perspective? You’ve just made a molehill out of a mountain.
We live in a society where everything seems to loom over us. Our 24/7 news screams at us constantly about the latest threat. There is always “breaking news.” For many of us our workplaces have taken on this magnification. Everything is “urgent” and “immediate.” If we ask for some priority we are told that it is “all important.” And so we attempt to accomplish everything by putting our heads down and diving in.
Though I’ve long employed the strategy of attacking everything, I’m learning that I need perspective. When I’m task driven everything is right in front of my face and sometimes I can’t judge how much emphasis to place on it. In other words, something more important might need to be done, or there is a different way to handle what I’m looking at.
I just learned this important lesson, so I hope some of you have your own ideas how to place things in perspective. Two strategies work for me. The first is taking a step back. This means putting down my pen, or pushing back from the computer and looking objectively at what I need to accomplish and how vital it is to life, business, the world, my survival, (you get the picture). Most of the time I find I’ve placed too much emphasis on the task and I’ve found I can finish it much quicker because I’ve placed it in perspective. The second strategy I use is asking someone else for their perspective on the task or issue. Many times others have great insights into what I’m trying to do and I’m learning to value their opinion. Sometimes they can see beyond what I’m holding right in front of my face.
Our world seemingly insists that everything is important. That is not true. Stepping back, or gaining the perspective of someone else allows you to move forward much more rapidly and accomplish tasks or overcome challenges. The key is challenging the idea that everything is a mountain. Most of them really are molehills that are right in front of our face.
Posted by Scott Asalone on May 7, 2013
https://greatnessproject.wordpress.com/2013/05/07/making-molehills-out-of-mountains/
Why Are We All So Busy?
Recently I’ve noticed a trend. Whenever I ask one of my friends or acquaintances “how are you doing?” inevitably they tell me how busy they are. It seems that everyone I speak with is overwhelmed with demands at work and demands at home. There is little or no time to enjoy what we work so hard to acquire or build. Especially in the North East US everybody seems to be in a rush (just drive any of our roads). And I’m in the same boat.
Sometimes we need simple reminders to slow down, to enjoy life. This morning I came across this article by Sean Doyle. He writes brilliantly about the challenges we all share and how to back off the pace a bit. I couldn’t have written it better, so here is the link to the article . http://positivepsychologynews.com/news/sean-doyle/2013042325827
Enjoy.
Posted by Scott Asalone on April 24, 2013
https://greatnessproject.wordpress.com/2013/04/24/why-are-we-all-so-busy/
Look For The Helpers
“Look for the helpers. The world is full of helpers.” Mr. Rogers
We live in a world of contradictions. There is violence and peace; anger and love; builders and destroyers; the selfish and the selfless. Our 24/7 news cycle highlights the darkest of these comparisons and leads us to picture the world as a selfish, frightening place and we might think our only reaction is to defend ourselves and take as much as we can. Yet watching the video of the senseless bombing yesterday at the Boston Marathon the reaction of many of the bystanders near the center of the bombing was amazing.
The first responders were not the only ones running toward the blast. The videos clearly show other people coming to help immediately, even some of the runners. In the confusing aftermath, people comforted the injured, helped them to safety and then went back to help some more. Contradicting the selfish, cowardly acts of the perpetrator were many men and woman willing to venture into harm’s way to help others.
Too often we fall under the darkening spell of 24/7 news where we hear of every act of violence, senselessness and selfishness in the world until we can be overcome with fear or even worse, we become inured to it all and only want to protect ourselves.
Mr. Rogers is right. The world is full of helpers. Most people want to do the right thing, to live the best they can and to enable others to do so. Why isn’t this news? Because we just assume that is what we should do as human beings; help others.
So today, look for the helpers and thank them. Better yet, be a helper. It will change someone’s day and in a small way it will change the world for good.
Posted by Scott Asalone on April 16, 2013
https://greatnessproject.wordpress.com/2013/04/16/look-for-the-helpers/
Choose Your Energy
Yesterday, as Jan and I commuted into New York City to facilitate the third day of our Positive Leadership series, I looked around at the other commuters on the subway. Of course as a traveler I know that it’s important not to look like a victim when traveling around any city. But the next time you are on the subway, bus, or walking through your city or town note what you see. What I saw was mostly negative or slightly bored expressions and it made me wonder: is this the energy we are bringing into the workplace?
Be honest. What kind of energy do you bring into a room? Is the energy positive or negative? I’m not talking about being so cheerful you make people cringe as you walk into the room. But do people cringe when you walk in from fear of your negative energy or worse, your wrath?
You might protest that you work in toxic environments with people you’d rather not associate with. Yet, even in the midst of really negative work spaces we have the choice of what we bring to the situation and to the day. We can choose to be victimized by the negativity around us, or choose to stand in our own integrity and live and act the way we want to.
Positive energy is important to how we are perceived by those around us. We might think that by being stern and authoritative we project a leadership quality. Yet Alex Pentland in the research he did at MIT on charisma discovered that one of the most important elements of charisma was projecting positive energy and being energetic about what you do.
It is very simple. Every day we choose the clothes, the shoes and perhaps the coat we wear. We also choose the attitude. More than the clothes, the attitude makes the man or woman. So think about that tomorrow morning as you prepare for your day. The attitude you choose and the energy you convey can make your day, along with those around you.
Posted by Scott Asalone on April 11, 2013
https://greatnessproject.wordpress.com/2013/04/11/choose-your-energy/
Don’t Underestimate Your Ability to Change the World
Last week I met a group of heroes. They did not wear capes or tights and they didn’t use false identities. What amazed me was that they don’t consider their duties heroic. To them it is all in a day’s work. These are the men and women who work for the Henry Street Settlement in New York City. After hurricane Sandy hit New York City blacking out most of lower Manhattan, these people fanned out to check on the seniors they knew and cared for. Sometimes walking up 30 to 40 floors they brought food, medicine and comfort. They painstakingly escorted or carried some of the seniors out of these buildings and relocated them in housing that had electricity and running water. From the time Sandy hit until all their seniors were safe and cared for they worked ridiculously long hours even though many of them had no electricity or running water in their own homes. Yet, none of them thought what they did was heroic.
In keynotes, conferences and workshops we consistently find that people easily identify individuals they believe are great: noting everyone from Mother Theresa of Calcutta, to their parents, or an aunt or uncle. They identify the characteristics they believe these individuals possess and easily list characteristics of greatness. Research on heroes, as noted by Scott Allison and George Goethals in Heroes: What they do and why we need them, list “hero” characteristics as being “smart, strong, selfless, caring, charismatic, resilient, reliable and inspiring.”
Here is where it gets interesting. When we have people look at the characteristics of greatness or heroes and ask them if they’ve displayed any of the characteristics, they respond with silence. We could attribute this lack of response to humility, or it could speak to a larger challenge: we can’t see ourselves as heroes or great individuals. That is beyond us.
Why is this a challenge? Because our actions depend on how we think of ourselves and our abilities so if we believe we cannot make any difference in the world we won’t make any. However, if we realize that we have shown some of the characteristics of greatness or heroics, then that behavior and those characteristics can be repeated and we can ultimately help a lot of people we might otherwise have ignored.
None of us need a cape or tights (I’ve heard they’re hard to keep clean) but we need to realize that we have powers and abilities that can positively affect others around us. By at least acknowledging them in ourselves we can develop and grow those abilities so that everyone benefits.
Posted by Scott Asalone on March 26, 2013
https://greatnessproject.wordpress.com/2013/03/26/dont-underestimate-your-ability-to-change-the-world/
Are You Happy? Who Cares?
Today is United Nations World Happiness Day . I didn’t know that until I logged into Facebook this morning and someone posted it on their timeline. I’m not a big fan of focusing on happiness (and I’ll get to that) but having a day to bolster happiness throughout the world might be a good thing.
For me, happiness is a byproduct, not the goal. I’m happy when I help others, when I finish writing something I’m proud of, when I connect with my friends and family and hear they are okay. Happiness isn’t something I directly seek, but it is an emotion that tells me I’m in a good place. The challenge is that happiness is so fleeting and subjective. I can be very happy one minute and then, after someone tells me bad news, I’m depressed. This doesn’t seem to be an end goal worth focusing on, and studies show that individuals who focus on achieving happiness tend to be less happy than others.
So the answer is to shift the focus! Stop thinking about your own happiness.
Recently I was in Dunkin Donuts with my business partner, Jan. We take turns buying coffee and it was her turn. As the woman rang up our order Jan said “and I’ll pay for his order too” indicating the guy behind us. What ensued after the shock was an immediate refusal to allow her to pay. Then he reluctantly accepted (we are very suspicious in the North East). And finally he got to a point where he was really happy and thanked Jan profusely. The people behind the counter were also incredulous. However, what surprised me more was how it affected my mood. I only witnessed the generosity, but for a few hours after that I felt very happy and blessed.
Here is where real happiness begins. When we help others, all the studies indicate, we are happier for a longer period of time and the happiness is more substantial. When we have purpose and meaning in our life and work (usually meaning we are contributing to something bigger than us) we are happier and more satisfied with life. When we are doing things for others and are not so self focused, we are happier.
Are you happy? Who cares? It’s fleeting any way. However, ask yourself “are the people around me safe, comfortable, and able to offer their best at what they do?” When you focus on them and help them enjoy the best life they can have, you will find yourself enjoying life more and you will be happier than you have ever been. So, perhaps there is a point to World Happiness Day, even if it’s only buying someone else a cup of coffee and making them happy.
Posted by Scott Asalone on March 19, 2013
https://greatnessproject.wordpress.com/2013/03/19/are-you-happy-who-cares/
The Greatness Project 